Stop Leading to Be Liked

No certification or training fully prepares you for the real challenges

Jul 05, 2025

Read time: 3 minutes

Welcome to the Agile Admiral weekly newsletter. Your Essential Resource for Project Management Excellence.

Each week, I tackle reader questions about PMP preparation, how to implement PMP into real-life projects, and a Senior Project Manager career.

For more: Can’t predict the future, when the future is changing | The Chaos Coordinator | The Project Habit You’re Probably Skipping | When Projects turn RED | Macro vs Micro Goals for PMs | PM without authority is just a punching bag with a calendar | Agile without psychological safety is just a Theater

What's Inside This Edition:

7 Hard Truths I Wish I Knew About Project Management Sooner
Stop Leading to Be Liked
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Stop Leading to Be Liked

by Shikha Prasad

Early in my career as a Scrum Master, someone called me “chill” during a retro. They meant it as a compliment.

“You’re easy to work with.”

“You stay calm.”

“You don’t micromanage.”

I loved hearing it. Back then, I thought that being liked was the secret to effective leadership. If the team enjoyed working with me, everything else would fall into place.

What I didn’t realize back then, when your goal is to be liked, you start making quiet compromises that slowly erode your impact.

It started small. I noticed misalignment in stand-up and said nothing. I avoided 1:1s when I sensed tension. I stayed neutral in debates, even when one side needed clear support.

I told myself I was keeping things smooth. But I was avoiding discomfort. The team liked me — but retros got quieter, delivery got messier, and velocity dropped.

I wasn’t pushing the team forward. I was keeping things pleasant.

And here’s the part that stings: I started to notice my own energy drop. I was showing up, but not really leading. I felt more like a peacekeeper than a change agent.

One Friday, my Product Owner said,

“You’re great — but I don’t think the team is being challenged.”

She was right.

I had confused likability for leadership. And that realization forced me to rethink what the team needed from me.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

When you lead to be liked, you tend to avoid conflict, say “yes” too often, and stay silent during tough moments.

But when you lead to be respected, you step into tension, protect the team’s focus, and build trust through clarity, not comfort.

That shift isn’t easy. But it’s essential.

It takes courage. And it takes time. But when you start showing up with honesty and accountability, people don’t pull away, they step up.

So, Ask Yourself:

Am I avoiding tension to stay liked?

Are there conversations I’ve been postponing?

Is my team comfortable… but stuck?

If so, it’s okay. I’ve been there too. What matters is choosing to lead differently- starting now.

You weren’t hired to be the team’s best friend. You were hired to help them grow.

And sometimes that means stepping into the hard stuff.

The respect you earn from that? That’s the kind that sticks.

Let’s be honest, no certification or training fully prepares you for the real challenges of leading projects.

It took me years in the field (and a few grey hairs) to learn these hard truths the hard way:

🔧 Projects don’t fail because of tools. They fail because of silence, misalignment, or unclear expectations.

🧠 What goes unsaid breaks things. Assumptions are your biggest risk.

👥 Most issues aren’t “project” issues. They’re people issues: communication, trust, ego, priorities.

🧩 Perfect plans don’t exist. Nobody reads your 30-slide Gantt chart anyway. Stay flexible.

🫶 You are not the project therapist. Listen, yes. Absorb dysfunction? No.

🧭 Scope creep is a leadership problem, not just a PM problem. If no one’s saying “no,” things spiral. Fast.

🎯 You’re not there to make everyone happy. You’re there to move things forward. Clarity > consensus.